elfwench: (Default)
This morning I could barely get myself out of bed. I forced myself up at 9:30 after trying to get myself up at 6:00, then 7:00, then 8:00... you et the idea. I knew the fatigue was emotionally based as much as physical, or I would have continued to sleep. I then made myself a pot of coffee, and spent the day drinking it.

And now that it's midnight, I'm fully awake.

Robert came over tonight for a bit. His first question. "How did you do yesterday, with it being Tami's birthday?" He knows me too well. We talked about it for a bit. I told him about sending her the card, writing a note, and wondering if she'd got it, what she thought and felt, etc. He wasn't surprised that I'd sent her a card, saying I was very predictable.

Why yes, I do love deeply, after all. And I don't just stop because of lack of contact. My heart must be made by Timex, takes a licking and keeps on ticking loving.

Unfortunately, my diet has suffered as a result of this weekend. I ate way more sweets than I should have. And, it was only a temporary salve. And I have only myself to blame for the self-indulgence. But, self-flagellation after the fact is pointless and just as self-destructive. I just need to chalk it up as a lesson learned and try to find better ways to cope with stress.

Housework suffered, too. But I did some tonight after my shows and schlepped the trash out. I really need to make up a schedule and checklist for myself or something.

Tomorrow I need to call and check on the flu vaccine, see if Dr. H. got his supply in or not. I didn't know if he was open today or not with it being Columbus Day.

One thing I am pleased about not doing today was I did not obsess on any lack. So I am starting to come back around. I find that I obsess on things I want that are out of reach, like a new computer, when the rest of the load, the really important stuff, is too much to face. It's easier to worry about a thing like the computer than it is to worry about how to pay an electric bill or mend a broken relationship, because the computer is something that there's an obvious solution for ("if only") than it is the larger situation of money or relationships.

What I did do is that I paid bills with gratitude, and decided the Universe will find a way for the things I want. Robert's right, I should not buy a new computer right now. I'm not giving up on the computer, but I am putting it in the hands of the Universe to find a way. I'll enter contests and whatever as I see them, like the one TigerDirect is currently running, and if it's meant to be, it will be. Stressing over it will just put up barriers.

Anyway, it's now 1:00, and now that I've written this
elfwench: (Default)
This morning I could barely get myself out of bed. I forced myself up at 9:30 after trying to get myself up at 6:00, then 7:00, then 8:00... you et the idea. I knew the fatigue was emotionally based as much as physical, or I would have continued to sleep. I then made myself a pot of coffee, and spent the day drinking it.

And now that it's midnight, I'm fully awake.

Robert came over tonight for a bit. His first question. "How did you do yesterday, with it being Tami's birthday?" He knows me too well. We talked about it for a bit. I told him about sending her the card, writing a note, and wondering if she'd got it, what she thought and felt, etc. He wasn't surprised that I'd sent her a card, saying I was very predictable.

Why yes, I do love deeply, after all. And I don't just stop because of lack of contact. My heart must be made by Timex, takes a licking and keeps on ticking loving.

Unfortunately, my diet has suffered as a result of this weekend. I ate way more sweets than I should have. And, it was only a temporary salve. And I have only myself to blame for the self-indulgence. But, self-flagellation after the fact is pointless and just as self-destructive. I just need to chalk it up as a lesson learned and try to find better ways to cope with stress.

Housework suffered, too. But I did some tonight after my shows and schlepped the trash out. I really need to make up a schedule and checklist for myself or something.

Tomorrow I need to call and check on the flu vaccine, see if Dr. H. got his supply in or not. I didn't know if he was open today or not with it being Columbus Day.

One thing I am pleased about not doing today was I did not obsess on any lack. So I am starting to come back around. I find that I obsess on things I want that are out of reach, like a new computer, when the rest of the load, the really important stuff, is too much to face. It's easier to worry about a thing like the computer than it is to worry about how to pay an electric bill or mend a broken relationship, because the computer is something that there's an obvious solution for ("if only") than it is the larger situation of money or relationships.

What I did do is that I paid bills with gratitude, and decided the Universe will find a way for the things I want. Robert's right, I should not buy a new computer right now. I'm not giving up on the computer, but I am putting it in the hands of the Universe to find a way. I'll enter contests and whatever as I see them, like the one TigerDirect is currently running, and if it's meant to be, it will be. Stressing over it will just put up barriers.

Anyway, it's now 1:00, and now that I've written this

June 2013

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