elfwench: (Default)
Christ with me.

This is the first line of the first triad of simple little song, or chant some may say, we sing at Unity of Indianapolis. The second triad changes to you, and the third to us. And this is what I was earwormed with this morning after my morning prayer and meditation and I knew that my topic was chosen.

At Unity we believe in five basic ideas:
  • God - God is good and all knowing, all powerful, and everywhere present.
  • You - The spirit of God lives within each person, therefore each person is inherently good.
  • Thought - We create our life experiences through our thoughts and beliefs.
  • Word - There is power in affirmative prayer. Never underestimate the power of your spoken declarations.
  • Action - Knowledge of these spiritual principles is not enough, we must live them.
It is in the second of those listed above that is most simply expressed as as the Christ within me. Christ is the spirit of God indwelling. In some; most notably Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Mother Theresa, and the Dali Lama; it shines brighter than others, but all of us have it. It is a gift, and a gift I've embraced in the past 9 months since I've been going to Unity.

Christ within me.

These three little words remind me of the inner strength within me, and remind me of all I am capable of. They remind me that I am a strong, yet gentle, loving spirit. They remind me of my inherent goodness, and the goodness within all people. They remind me that I am here with purpose, as are we all. These are three words with much power, and when I think of the Christ within each one of us, it fills me with compassion, empathy, gratitude, love and forgiveness.

Dear friends and gentle readers, I behold the Christ within you. I believe that as each one of us gains awareness of our Christ within and embraces it, not only can we turn our lives around, be we can change the world.

And it is good.

Namasté.

Amen.
elfwench: (I love you)
I honestly was stumped by this topic at first. I started researching, to see where to go with this. I knew that it was a Ten Commandments reference, but I wanted to know more. The most elucidating site I found on the matter was this one. I also learned on various sites that there's a Roman Catholic version of the Ten Commandments and a Protestant one, but that Lutherans, while Protestant, use the Roman Catholic version.

But, I'm writing an LJ post, not a sermon, and not a theology or history lesson. So the question was, what does this mean to me personally? What can I present on the matter?

Frustrated, I shut off the computer and went to bed, the topic rolling around in my head as I pondered. And as I did, two people came to mind: both people who are dear to me and want nothing to do with me. And it's surprising that I still want anything to do with them. Goodness knows, my son Robert wants nothing to do with them. Here I'd resolved to put both of them behind me for now, and here this topic came up. But there their faces were behind my closed eyes and my mind repeatedly pointed the finger at the two people who had hurt me the most by bearing false witness both to me and against me.

*shakes head* I guess the Universe wasn't done with this. Evidently more work was needed before I could have closure.

And, finally, there it was, my subconscious laying it out for me. The betrayal and hurt by by trust being broken by two of the people I love most in the world was finally splayed before me, triggered by this LJ Idol topic. They lied to me and about me, the both of them, each in their own way; and each, in their own way, abandoned me. Both of them family: it's true, no one can hurt you like family. And one had broken a most solemn oath.

Such betrayal hurts like no other, especially when they are family. It can make you bitter, if you refuse to forgive what most would say is the unforgivable. Good thing I'm not like that. (Though sometimes I think it might be easier if I were.)

Some say I should not forgive, and yet, I do. As much as it hurts, I do forgive them. And I feel for them; because, sadly, I can see where some of it came from. I'm not without fault, and I've made my apologies. I'm still working on forgiving myself for mistakes made in those relationships, though.

If either of them came to me tomorrow and apologized sincerely and wanted me to give them another chance, would I? Yes, believe it or not, I would.

I can't just stop loving.

Though, I acknowledge that I can't change people - each person needs to find their own change from within - I do believe people can and do change, hopefully for the better. (I believe I have.)

If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it's yours. At least, that's how the saying goes. So with that, after all this time without them, I am setting them, free at last, with no expectations that they'll ever be back. And as such, setting myself free as well, so that I can move on and live a full life.

Does that mean I give up hope that I'll ever hear from them again?

No; while I will continue to live my life and move on and realize that it's probably not likely, I will always keep a little piece of hope tucked away. My hope, after all, is as hard to quash as my love.
elfwench: (Default)
I honestly was stumped by this topic at first. I started researching, to see where to go with this. I knew that it was a Ten Commandments reference, but I wanted to know more. The most elucidating site I found on the matter was this one. I also learned on various sites that there's a Roman Catholic version of the Ten Commandments and a Protestant one, but that Lutherans, while Protestant, use the Roman Catholic version.

But, I'm writing an LJ post, not a sermon, and not a theology or history lesson. So the question was, what does this mean to me personally? What can I present on the matter?

Frustrated, I shut off the computer and went to bed, the topic rolling around in my head as I pondered. And as I did, two people came to mind: both people who are dear to me and want nothing to do with me. And it's surprising that I still want anything to do with them. Goodness knows, my son Robert wants nothing to do with them. Here I'd resolved to put both of them behind me for now, and here this topic came up. But there their faces were behind my closed eyes and my mind repeatedly pointed the finger at the two people who had hurt me the most by bearing false witness both to me and against me.

*shakes head* I guess the Universe wasn't done with this. Evidently more work was needed before I could have closure.

And, finally, there it was, my subconscious laying it out for me. The betrayal and hurt by by trust being broken by two of the people I love most in the world was finally splayed before me, triggered by this LJ Idol topic. They lied to me and about me, the both of them, each in their own way; and each, in their own way, abandoned me. Both of them family: it's true, no one can hurt you like family. And one had broken a most solemn oath.

Such betrayal hurts like no other, especially when they are family. It can make you bitter, if you refuse to forgive what most would say is the unforgivable. Good thing I'm not like that. (Though sometimes I think it might be easier if I were.)

Some say I should not forgive, and yet, I do. As much as it hurts, I do forgive them. And I feel for them; because, sadly, I can see where some of it came from. I'm not without fault, and I've made my apologies. I'm still working on forgiving myself for mistakes made in those relationships, though.

If either of them came to me tomorrow and apologized sincerely and wanted me to give them another chance, would I? Yes, believe it or not, I would.

I can't just stop loving.

Though, I acknowledge that I can't change people - each person needs to find their own change from within - I do believe people can and do change, hopefully for the better. (I believe I have.)

If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it's yours. At least, that's how the saying goes. So with that, after all this time without them, I am setting them, free at last, with no expectations that they'll ever be back. And as such, setting myself free as well, so that I can move on and live a full life.

Does that mean I give up hope that I'll ever hear from them again?

No; while I will continue to live my life and move on and realize that it's probably not likely, I will always keep a little piece of hope tucked away. My hope, after all, is as hard to quash as my love.
elfwench: (Cheeseburger)
I first met her about a year and a half ago, she was 6 months old and grinned at me toothlessly. She was my granddaughter, Akane, and it was during a strange reunion that my first husband engineered between our daughter and myself.

I saw that little smile, her eyes, crinkled up into little bananas just like her mother's, and I fell in love with this child, just as I had the first time I laid eyes on her mother when she was laid in my arms. In fact, she had her mother Tami's smile, a smile which echoed my own. Yes, the banana eyed smile was a trait that would be passed through generations, it would seem.

The reunion lasted about 5 months, but they are five of the most memorable months that I cherish, laughing with my daughter, loving her and getting to know her again, and loving and getting to know this smiling child, this little grinning pixie, just like her mother.

It's been almost 15 months since I last saw my daughter and granddaughter. They both had birthdays within the last two months. I sent cards, and a gift, and I've not heard. This makes me sad as I love them both immensely. But still I cannot help but smile myself, as I think of their banana eyed smiles.

Akane


Tami
elfwench: (Default)
I first met her about a year and a half ago, she was 6 months old and grinned at me toothlessly. She was my granddaughter, Akane, and it was during a strange reunion that my first husband engineered between our daughter and myself.

I saw that little smile, her eyes, crinkled up into little bananas just like her mother's, and I fell in love with this child, just as I had the first time I laid eyes on her mother when she was laid in my arms. In fact, she had her mother Tami's smile, a smile which echoed my own. Yes, the banana eyed smile was a trait that would be passed through generations, it would seem.

The reunion lasted about 5 months, but they are five of the most memorable months that I cherish, laughing with my daughter, loving her and getting to know her again, and loving and getting to know this smiling child, this little grinning pixie, just like her mother.

It's been almost 15 months since I last saw my daughter and granddaughter. They both had birthdays within the last two months. I sent cards, and a gift, and I've not heard. This makes me sad as I love them both immensely. But still I cannot help but smile myself, as I think of their banana eyed smiles.

Akane


Tami
elfwench: (Default)
I am having another slow moving morning. Yesterday's cleaning efforts really wiped me out, and I'd make today a recovery day if I didn't have much more to do. Ugh!

My housekeeping efforts are also extending to my computer. Much more space on the hard drive with the contents of My Documents backed up on my external. It allowed me to delete the majority of the files from the original My Documents once I'd checked to see that the backup went okay. Just uninstalled DAZ, too. Ran CCleaner. Tonight, as I sleep, I'll have the computer defrag. Then I'll reinstall DAZ and start reinstalling all the runtime from that: quite a daunting task, but the runtime got so messed up that I couldn't find anything and it was very frustrating. So... starting fresh.

Fresh starts... sounds good. Thank you, may I have another, please? :)

Just checked on my standings in LJ Idol. I have, at this moment, 19 votes. The lovely [livejournal.com profile] shadowwolf13, who is also on Tribe bigdoug along with me, has an amazing 47 votes! Come on, show me some love, I'm at least as good as she is. ;)

I'm doing a good job so far of keeping my chin up despite the fact that today is Keeper's birthday. Yes, god help me, I sent him a card. I can't help myself, I still care. Am I still in love with him? No. But I still love him as a friend and will be here for him as such should he ever want or need that friendship again.

I still love and miss my daughter, Tami, too, and sent her a birthday card this month. Hope springs eternal that one day we will be able to have a relationship again.

My heart is made by Timex, takes a licking and keeps on ticking loving. I can't just turn off my feelings like a switch just because they are out of my life.

Anyhow, time to get my poop in a group and get to the task at hand. Need to at least start some laundry and do some cleaning in the kitchen.
elfwench: (Default)
I am having another slow moving morning. Yesterday's cleaning efforts really wiped me out, and I'd make today a recovery day if I didn't have much more to do. Ugh!

My housekeeping efforts are also extending to my computer. Much more space on the hard drive with the contents of My Documents backed up on my external. It allowed me to delete the majority of the files from the original My Documents once I'd checked to see that the backup went okay. Just uninstalled DAZ, too. Ran CCleaner. Tonight, as I sleep, I'll have the computer defrag. Then I'll reinstall DAZ and start reinstalling all the runtime from that: quite a daunting task, but the runtime got so messed up that I couldn't find anything and it was very frustrating. So... starting fresh.

Fresh starts... sounds good. Thank you, may I have another, please? :)

Just checked on my standings in LJ Idol. I have, at this moment, 19 votes. The lovely [livejournal.com profile] shadowwolf13, who is also on Tribe bigdoug along with me, has an amazing 47 votes! Come on, show me some love, I'm at least as good as she is. ;)

I'm doing a good job so far of keeping my chin up despite the fact that today is Keeper's birthday. Yes, god help me, I sent him a card. I can't help myself, I still care. Am I still in love with him? No. But I still love him as a friend and will be here for him as such should he ever want or need that friendship again.

I still love and miss my daughter, Tami, too, and sent her a birthday card this month. Hope springs eternal that one day we will be able to have a relationship again.

My heart is made by Timex, takes a licking and keeps on ticking loving. I can't just turn off my feelings like a switch just because they are out of my life.

Anyhow, time to get my poop in a group and get to the task at hand. Need to at least start some laundry and do some cleaning in the kitchen.
elfwench: (Default)
Thank you all for all your positive feedback on my entry for the [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol's first topic. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to respond to each and every one of your comments individually.

And now, it's time to vote! I'm in the second of the polls in this post, which has been dubbed Tribe bigdoug. My post post is linked next to my name. But if you want to read it before going to the polls, click here.

Thank you, again, for your friendship and support. Voting ends Monday, 26 October 2009, at 8:00 PM Eastern time.
elfwench: (Default)
Thank you all for all your positive feedback on my entry for the [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol's first topic. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to respond to each and every one of your comments individually.

And now, it's time to vote! I'm in the second of the polls in this post, which has been dubbed Tribe bigdoug. My post post is linked next to my name. But if you want to read it before going to the polls, click here.

Thank you, again, for your friendship and support. Voting ends Monday, 26 October 2009, at 8:00 PM Eastern time.
elfwench: (Default)
"Call me anytime."

"If you need ____, just let me know." (fill in the blank for anything from money, a friend, a ride, someone to listen, or a multitude of other acts of kindness.)

"Let me know if you need anything."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"What can I do to help?"

"I'm here for you."

These are many of the well meaning gestures people make every day. But how many of us really mean them? If the the offer extended by you is accepted, will you follow through, and if so for how long? Or is this just something you say to make the other person and yourself feel better? And if you do follow through, will you do so with a free and loving spirit, or with some resentment at being imposed upon?

I've heard a lot of these words the past few years. But, in my experience, while well meant at the time, they are often empty gestures, something that we are trained that is appropriate to say in one's time of need, but few really do mean. Or, maybe it's that the well meaning actually don't expect the person to whom they offered their kindness to accept the offer and follow through. For someone like me who is a say what you mean and mean what you say kind of person, it's often a tough lesson to learn.

It's hard not to get jaded. Lately I've found myself realizing how few people do actually mean those words, and realizing that the only person I can truly count on is myself. That is a fine realization to make, as it's very true. However, it's one that can make one bitter if not held in check. And I found myself pushing myself beyond my limits in the belief that no one else cared.

What I found out this week in several instances is that this could be further from the truth. Every so often the Universe does gift us with people who do say those things, and they are far from empty gestures. Some of the folk who've shined true are here on LJ, some are people I know here locally. And it's very humbling, this discovery of the blessing of true friendship. And I felt ashamed that I'd ever doubted each time I found out that the friend in question was a true friend, either by an unexpected random act of kindness or a loving chastising because I didn't take up their offer.

I don't want to single anyone out publicly. I'm sure you know who you are. But I want to thank each and every one of you who has been a true friend to me, devoid of empty gestures. And to apologize for ever doubting any one of you. Having your friendship is truly an honor. There's not enough I can say to express my sincere gratitude.

I am truly blessed.

This is my submission for week 1 of this season's [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol competition. Thank you for reading.
elfwench: (Default)
"Call me anytime."

"If you need ____, just let me know." (fill in the blank for anything from money, a friend, a ride, someone to listen, or a multitude of other acts of kindness.)

"Let me know if you need anything."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"What can I do to help?"

"I'm here for you."

These are many of the well meaning gestures people make every day. But how many of us really mean them? If the the offer extended by you is accepted, will you follow through, and if so for how long? Or is this just something you say to make the other person and yourself feel better? And if you do follow through, will you do so with a free and loving spirit, or with some resentment at being imposed upon?

I've heard a lot of these words the past few years. But, in my experience, while well meant at the time, they are often empty gestures, something that we are trained that is appropriate to say in one's time of need, but few really do mean. Or, maybe it's that the well meaning actually don't expect the person to whom they offered their kindness to accept the offer and follow through. For someone like me who is a say what you mean and mean what you say kind of person, it's often a tough lesson to learn.

It's hard not to get jaded. Lately I've found myself realizing how few people do actually mean those words, and realizing that the only person I can truly count on is myself. That is a fine realization to make, as it's very true. However, it's one that can make one bitter if not held in check. And I found myself pushing myself beyond my limits in the belief that no one else cared.

What I found out this week in several instances is that this could be further from the truth. Every so often the Universe does gift us with people who do say those things, and they are far from empty gestures. Some of the folk who've shined true are here on LJ, some are people I know here locally. And it's very humbling, this discovery of the blessing of true friendship. And I felt ashamed that I'd ever doubted each time I found out that the friend in question was a true friend, either by an unexpected random act of kindness or a loving chastising because I didn't take up their offer.

I don't want to single anyone out publicly. I'm sure you know who you are. But I want to thank each and every one of you who has been a true friend to me, devoid of empty gestures. And to apologize for ever doubting any one of you. Having your friendship is truly an honor. There's not enough I can say to express my sincere gratitude.

I am truly blessed.

This is my submission for week 1 of this season's [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol competition. Thank you for reading.
elfwench: (Default)
Please vote for me. You can find me in Tribe 2. Voting is until 7:00 PM Eastern Time.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way...

I apologize for being behind in answering the many supportive comments I've gotten. I spent Tuesday and the better part of yesterday at [livejournal.com profile] jarlina's watching her four children until she and hubby came home with Number Five yesterday afternoon. While the children are enjoyable, it left me rather exhausted. I am still recovering.

I'm really looking forward to writing further posts for LJ Idol. I hope that I can be in it for the long haul.
elfwench: (Default)
Please vote for me. You can find me in Tribe 2. Voting is until 7:00 PM Eastern Time.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way...

I apologize for being behind in answering the many supportive comments I've gotten. I spent Tuesday and the better part of yesterday at [livejournal.com profile] jarlina's watching her four children until she and hubby came home with Number Five yesterday afternoon. While the children are enjoyable, it left me rather exhausted. I am still recovering.

I'm really looking forward to writing further posts for LJ Idol. I hope that I can be in it for the long haul.
elfwench: (Default)
Hello!

Here it is, my first LJ Idol and the first post, actually Post 0, is my introduction. Introductions are always so hard to do. How does one summarize personality and a lifetime in one post? What information is vital and what isn't? What will intrigue and what will bore?

Anyway, more to the point...

My name is Morgan. No, not my legal name, but it's the name I've been called for the last 18 years or so, a name of my choosing. I loved the name from the time I was a teenager. I remember there was a female character on Guiding Light whose name was Morgan, a girl with strawberry blond hair that was brought on for the teenage plot lines running within the show. I've always been a fan of elves and things medieval, and Morgan Le Fey was my first BBS handle in the early 90's.. As such, it was what people called me, including my second husband, and it feels much more comfortable than my birth name. One day I hope to get it legally changed.

I'm just over a month away from 50 years old, though I don't look it. (The picture in the icon here was taken just this summer.) I love birthdays, I'm like a little kid about my birthday.

I'm a mother of two now grown children who I love very much. I am very close with my son, Robert, who will be 24 tomorrow. He is more than a son, he's also a very good friend.

I really wish I were closer with my daughter, Tamara, who will be 27 on Sunday. We are currently estranged, by Tamara's choice though not a day goes by that I don't think of her or her daughter, my granddaughter Akane who just turned 2. (It's been over a year since I've seen them.) Despite everything, I love Tamara very much and hope that one day we can have a relationship, a healthy one this time, and be as family again.

I've been married twice. The first time to Alan, Tamara and Robert's father. That relationship was difficult at best, and at worst was abusive. We were married for 12 years, though an emotional divorce happened years before that.

My second marriage was, to date, the love of my life. He went by Keeper and many here on LJ knew him as well. We were together 14 years, married for 10. Just before our 10th anniversary, in 2007, he confessed he was having an affair with a woman at work and he ended up leaving me for her. It was my hope that we could remain friends, but he has ceased all contact with me. Still, if he needs a friend, I'd be there for him.

Oh my LJ you will see the Free Text box says,

I feel deeply.
I care deeply.
I desire deeply.
I will always tell the truth.
That is who I am.
I expect nothing less of you.


That pretty much sums up how I am about life and friendship. Sometimes I'm too truthful. If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask. But I do love deeply with all my heart. I also feel and care deeply, sometimes to my detriment. And desires. Yes, I am desirous of many things. I have a love affair with Amazon.com and browsing through it, adding to my Amazon.com Wish List. It's my biggest weakness, next to chocolate. But that list gives me hope and things to dream for.

I currently live alone with 3 cats, on my own for the first time in my life, in a mobile home in Indianapolis. It's been quite a wild ride, and quite an adjustment. Currently I'm on SSI, as I've not worked enough to collect full Social Security Disability. But I'm looking for work.

I have many health problems. The major ones are that I have Crohn's Disease (which affects the intestines), and I'm disabled with Cerebellar Ataxia of unknown flavor, which is probably one of several triggers for Keeper leaving me among other things. They thought it was Friedreich's Ataxia, but my current neurologist said no, I only have one defective copy of the gene - not 2 - so it's something else. What that means, regardless, is basically that I have a progressive disorder of balance and coordination. If I am not using my forearm crutch, one might think I was drunk. I also fall easily. To further aid my mobility, I have braces on my lower legs, called AFO's, which stands for Ankle Foot Orthotics. I do not let that get me down, though. It's just another thing.

I don't drive, though I am licensed to drive with hand controls. Hopefully one day I'll be able to get a car that can be fit with hand controls. I get about on foot or by bus.

I also am a gamer geek. I'm a member of the RPGA and I also play in the 4th Edition Eberron game that [livejournal.com profile] jarlina's husband runs. I believe one can never have too many dice. :) I also play City of Heroes/City of Villains online. GenCon, the international gaming convention that comes to Indianapolis every August, is my favorite time of year.

Most of my social life, when I'm not gaming with friends, is online. All hail the Internet!

I also like to diddle around with 3D graphics using DAZ Studio. I use it to make likenesses of my D&D characters. My computer is about 8 years old or so, a Pentium 4, and can barely run the program, though. It needs replaced. Big on my list of desires, but needs come before desires. It will come in time. But yes, I confess that I do tend to gripe about my computer a lot.

Spiritually, I'm more spiritual than religious, holding to the universal truths which are the one constant in most faiths. I believe in Harm Least. I believe in Karma. And I believe in The Law of Attraction: it works, and I'm grateful for it. Truly, the last few years has taught me how far attitude can affect your whole world. But I could fill a post on that alone.

That is all I can think of right now. If anyone has any further questions, feel free to ask.
elfwench: (Default)
Hello!

Here it is, my first LJ Idol and the first post, actually Post 0, is my introduction. Introductions are always so hard to do. How does one summarize personality and a lifetime in one post? What information is vital and what isn't? What will intrigue and what will bore?

Anyway, more to the point...

My name is Morgan. No, not my legal name, but it's the name I've been called for the last 18 years or so, a name of my choosing. I loved the name from the time I was a teenager. I remember there was a female character on Guiding Light whose name was Morgan, a girl with strawberry blond hair that was brought on for the teenage plot lines running within the show. I've always been a fan of elves and things medieval, and Morgan Le Fey was my first BBS handle in the early 90's.. As such, it was what people called me, including my second husband, and it feels much more comfortable than my birth name. One day I hope to get it legally changed.

I'm just over a month away from 50 years old, though I don't look it. (The picture in the icon here was taken just this summer.) I love birthdays, I'm like a little kid about my birthday.

I'm a mother of two now grown children who I love very much. I am very close with my son, Robert, who will be 24 tomorrow. He is more than a son, he's also a very good friend.

I really wish I were closer with my daughter, Tamara, who will be 27 on Sunday. We are currently estranged, by Tamara's choice though not a day goes by that I don't think of her or her daughter, my granddaughter Akane who just turned 2. (It's been over a year since I've seen them.) Despite everything, I love Tamara very much and hope that one day we can have a relationship, a healthy one this time, and be as family again.

I've been married twice. The first time to Alan, Tamara and Robert's father. That relationship was difficult at best, and at worst was abusive. We were married for 12 years, though an emotional divorce happened years before that.

My second marriage was, to date, the love of my life. He went by Keeper and many here on LJ knew him as well. We were together 14 years, married for 10. Just before our 10th anniversary, in 2007, he confessed he was having an affair with a woman at work and he ended up leaving me for her. It was my hope that we could remain friends, but he has ceased all contact with me. Still, if he needs a friend, I'd be there for him.

Oh my LJ you will see the Free Text box says,

I feel deeply.
I care deeply.
I desire deeply.
I will always tell the truth.
That is who I am.
I expect nothing less of you.


That pretty much sums up how I am about life and friendship. Sometimes I'm too truthful. If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask. But I do love deeply with all my heart. I also feel and care deeply, sometimes to my detriment. And desires. Yes, I am desirous of many things. I have a love affair with Amazon.com and browsing through it, adding to my Amazon.com Wish List. It's my biggest weakness, next to chocolate. But that list gives me hope and things to dream for.

I currently live alone with 3 cats, on my own for the first time in my life, in a mobile home in Indianapolis. It's been quite a wild ride, and quite an adjustment. Currently I'm on SSI, as I've not worked enough to collect full Social Security Disability. But I'm looking for work.

I have many health problems. The major ones are that I have Crohn's Disease (which affects the intestines), and I'm disabled with Cerebellar Ataxia of unknown flavor, which is probably one of several triggers for Keeper leaving me among other things. They thought it was Friedreich's Ataxia, but my current neurologist said no, I only have one defective copy of the gene - not 2 - so it's something else. What that means, regardless, is basically that I have a progressive disorder of balance and coordination. If I am not using my forearm crutch, one might think I was drunk. I also fall easily. To further aid my mobility, I have braces on my lower legs, called AFO's, which stands for Ankle Foot Orthotics. I do not let that get me down, though. It's just another thing.

I don't drive, though I am licensed to drive with hand controls. Hopefully one day I'll be able to get a car that can be fit with hand controls. I get about on foot or by bus.

I also am a gamer geek. I'm a member of the RPGA and I also play in the 4th Edition Eberron game that [livejournal.com profile] jarlina's husband runs. I believe one can never have too many dice. :) I also play City of Heroes/City of Villains online. GenCon, the international gaming convention that comes to Indianapolis every August, is my favorite time of year.

Most of my social life, when I'm not gaming with friends, is online. All hail the Internet!

I also like to diddle around with 3D graphics using DAZ Studio. I use it to make likenesses of my D&D characters. My computer is about 8 years old or so, a Pentium 4, and can barely run the program, though. It needs replaced. Big on my list of desires, but needs come before desires. It will come in time. But yes, I confess that I do tend to gripe about my computer a lot.

Spiritually, I'm more spiritual than religious, holding to the universal truths which are the one constant in most faiths. I believe in Harm Least. I believe in Karma. And I believe in The Law of Attraction: it works, and I'm grateful for it. Truly, the last few years has taught me how far attitude can affect your whole world. But I could fill a post on that alone.

That is all I can think of right now. If anyone has any further questions, feel free to ask.

June 2013

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